Hi readers,

I noe I damm long nv write blog le..now back to writing..lol...Mon went to punggol to take some photos..found out alot nice place but alot of fly..sand fly...Worth it! Took a few nice photos..

Ytd afternoon went to punggol again..Took some nice river photo..Got fly oso but not tat much as mon...Tired sia..From punggol walk all the way to sengkang through the park..carried my heavy bag and walk...shag...

shall end here..need to rest le..

logging off
Johnny♡yiijiia

Labels: Happy, pain, photography, shag, Tired

Hi readers,

Today im writing to express my feeling out again..I noe u guys will be like..wat?! again?! okay..This is the only place to express out as my dear don like to see mi share my thoughts or keep telling ppl my prob..especially to girls but i have more girl     friends (female friends) den guy friends..jiiajiia will get jealous and think tat y i cant share with her or y wat i tell ppl de oso same as wat i tell her too..This will make her like less special too..Im not saying my dear not special, SHE IS SPECIAL in my heart. I wan to make her feel tat she is special.

Okay back to topic..This few days i feel very weird..feeling like im useless, dear like ignore mi(although she didn't), cant fall asleep, feeling very stress, sad and many more..So i think about wat actually happening to mi..I den notice tat my depression came back to mi..Although it is not tat serious den last time but it will affect mi a lot..Not only on my sch works, cc works but my relationship too..I wanna thanks my dear tat she been holding on and accompany mi through out this..I really need her with mi..without her, i wonder how my depression will going to more worst.. At first, i tot i was actually mood swings but things nv get better..I went on to the website to check for depression symptoms and i am correct....I am in depression...Below is one of the website..

• Sadness and or irritability
• Loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities
• Loss of appetite—or increase in appetite
• Sleep disturbances—either insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Agitation or slowing in behavior
• Fatigue
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Problems with thinking or concentration
• Persistent thoughts of death or suicide

• Feeling sad or "empty"
• Feeling hopeless, irritable, anxious, or guilty
• Loss of interest in favorite activities
• Feeling very tired
• Not being able to concentrate or remember details
• Not being able to sleep, or sleeping too much
• Overeating, or not wanting to eat at all
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems.

Women experience depression more often than men. Biological, life cycle, and hormonal factors that are unique to women may be linked to women's higher depression rate. Women with depression typically have symptoms of sadness, worthlessness, and guilt.

Men with depression are more likely to be very tired, irritable, and sometimes even angry. They may lose interest in work or activities they once enjoyed, and have sleep problems.

Older adults with depression may have less obvious symptoms, or they may be less likely to admit to feelings of sadness or grief. They also are more likely to have medical conditions like heart disease or stroke, which may cause or contribute to depression. Certain medications also can have side effects that contribute to depression.

Children with depression may pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school, cling to a parent, or worry that a parent may die. Older children or teens may get into trouble at school and be irritable. Because these signs can also be part of normal mood swings associated with certain childhood stages, it may be difficult to accurately diagnose a young person with depression.

How can I help a loved one who is depressed?

If you know someone who has depression, first help him or her see a doctor or mental health professional.

• Offer support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
• Talk to him or her, and listen carefully.
• Never ignore comments about suicide, and report them to your loved one's therapist or doctor.
• Invite him or her out for walks, outings, and other activities.
• Remind him or her that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.

jiiajiiia did almost all this..thanks dear..without her, i wont noe how am i going to go through this..I actually better now..listening to music and do some small stuff to cool and relax myself...They said children would worry parents may die but im worry my dear would leave mi..Seeing mi like tat i scare i would scare her off..haiis...I den stress myself more..I stress my exams, cc stuff and tat y my depression back ba..Too many things i need to stress..I have been stressing myself for quite a long time, not only for awhile..so don say i cant handle stress..The stress i taking ppl cant really see it but it is quite strong..cc stuff not only doing community work but i oso help adviser too..This is more stress part..

Taking out time for dear have abit as i need to push away ppl..I not scare of pushing ppl away for my dear..Cuz i oso need to rest ar..Need to accompany my dear ar..She is more important..I oso not scare telling ppl tat fri(maybe), Sat and Sun is her time..Need mi and u need to go through my dear 1st..Tat wat i told the cc director but tis sun i going help her..Not every time i will accept cuz i see her oso really need mi..Plus i can pei jiiajiia on fri and sat..Sun jiiajiia can come over but jiiajiia tired tired...

Patricia sent mi this photo ytd and i find it quite true.."Everyone needs someone who can handle their dark side." jiiajiia is the one tat really can handle my dark side...Without her i think i will always outside finding trouble..fighting...all this...Thanks dear for all this support..I Love You!

Labels: despression, HeartPain, Loves, pain, realise, Scare, Sian, Sick, Stress, Thanks, Tired, Worry

Labels: Angry, busy, pain, realise, Sad, shag, Sian, Tired

Labels: Angry, Happy, Loves, Miss, pain, photography, s, Sad, Thanks, Tired

Labels: camera, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, photography, realise, Sad, shag, Sian, Sorry, sweet, Tired

Labels: despression, Loves, Miss, pain, photography, Promise, Sad, Sorry, Stress

Labels: flowers, Happy, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, origami, pain, Promise

Hi readers,

Not going to write much for today..My dear is sick from ytd steamboat till now haven recover..*sayang* zhuzhu heart pain =( see jiiajiia like tat..haiis *heart pain* jiiajiia sore throat and runny nose for 2 days le..Blow nose till the nose so red and pain..Some more dear blow so hard..den got blood..haiis..I don let dear go sch tml as she is sick and wan her to stay at to rest but dear don wan..dear say tml is donno wat module de last lesson so wan to go..I keep stopping dear but still dear still wan to go..den u gave up..I let dear go..jiiajiia health is more important ar..I will worry 1..jiiajiia say understand but y let mi feel so worry..I noe ur exam is coming but health more important..I noe u don wan to fail but still health more important..I actually can stay at dear house till tml and stop dear from gg to sch but I didn't cuz I don wan to force..I feel so worry u noe? So dammm worry..haiis..

jiiajiia say jiiajiia will tell mi everything but I scare jiiajiia will forget and nv say ar..Will scare jiiajiia donno how to take care of herself..den jiiajiia nv say I oso donno..What if jiiajiia hide from mi? Even though promise say cannot hide or lie but if jiiajiia hide I oso donno..but if I find out......I will be damm angry..jiiajiia noe I can be crazy..but of cuz wont hit or hurt jiiajiia..jiiajiia pls don let zhuzhu so worry hao ma? ur health is more important..zhuzhu so worry u noe? haiis..

shall end here..

logging off
Johnny♡yiijiia

Labels: Happy, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, Promise, Sad, Sick, sweet, Wish, Worry

Hi readers,

The only place that I can express my feeling..I scare I tell ppl..ppl mouth big..I do have friends that i can trust but i will scare they feel I annoying..So ya here is my blog anyway..oh ya plus writing blog I can look back wat I have done last time..I can keep my feeling here..It like a memories..hahas..okay here we go!

Morning! Now 6.32am, wake up jiiajiia at 5am den I lay down till 6am jiu get up le..cant slp..donno y..Before wake jiiajiia up, I notice my cable nv plug in =.= den my phone battery flat =.=

I keep feel tat jiiajiia like abit don care mi or heartache mi de..haiis..Is it my expectation too high? I keep feel tat jiiajiia still nv put mi 1st in her heart..haiis..even her cca is more important den mi..jiiajiia like nv put in effort like tat..okay..cannot say don have but abit..haiis..Is it I think too much? Cuz last time de jiiajiia will really ask abt mi..heartache abt mi..Anything she do will think of mi..Wont like left mi alone..Maybe she now busy with her sch work but wat abt after sch? She usually will take time out to go out with mi..Make time for mi..Maybe now im juz a obstruction to her ba..Ahhh..don think le..Im l8r gg to find jiiajiia after sch but she say she got cca..haiis..even fri.....usually it for ours...haiis..I try to keep myself free for fri to sun for her..I push away alot of things..Even I wan to surprise her now oso hard..Like wat I do she wont feel surprise..Do sth sweet she oso don feel it..Am I not good enough? I noe jiiajiia don like to compare to other ppl..but I see other gal de bf do sth they will like so happy and even post up to show off wat her bf does even if it is a very small things..But I wan to make jiiajiia happy like so difficult..Wat did I do wrong? I juz wan to earn jiiajiia a smile..haiis..Ahhh don think le!

Now 6.49am le..jiiajiia cant feel im sad? Normally I say try she wont oh...she will say no try..must! but tis time she nv..Normally jiiajiia will heartache zhuzhu den will sayang zhuzhu but nowadays jiiajiia like nv sayang zhuzhu..very less I can say..jiiajiia like wont heartache zhuzhu..Like still can feel jiiajiia still treating zhuzhu as a friend a much more better friend..I try to be cute, sweet in the message..jiiajiia got continue awhile den back to normal..haiis...Juz because I asked her to go study and tis is wat we become? I noe jiiajiia still recovering from the hurt I did..I noe it my fault to become tis..haiis..Only can blame myself..The feel jiiajiia give is tat when im physically ther she is different..really got treat mi like a bf but on phone is different..I donno y..haiis..I noe jiiajiia now wan to study hard and get gpa 4 but I oso make time out for you..My studies even worst..Need more study but still u need to rest from all tis..jiiajiia life like only have sch den no other stuff..den like no life like tat..I hope I have think too much..

jiiajiia 7.14am reached sch..Now take bus..reached inter oso lazy tell mi le..haiis..Now 7.52am le..went to toilet juz now stomachache sia..Drinking milo too..I need to go out soon le..Nowadays, when I say I love you or I miss you..jiiajiia will only ans oh...It actually hurts..haiis..Maybe I need to put in more effort to get jiiajiia love mi more ba..haiis..Now 8am le..need go out le..Reached sch 8.42am..Very fast jiu end sch le..No need to talk abt sch things cuz nth..10am jiu end liao..After end sch went to eat with Andy..We after tat went to take form for financial..After tat we went to andy house..Watching movie..Now 2.12pm..I miss my dear =( juz now when in sch eating, I make jiiajiia angry as I gg to lend esther money den jiiajiia angry and fa zhuzhu pi qi..fierce fierce ='( den I reject esther cuz I noe jiiajiia don like..zhuzhu will listen to jiiajiia and do anything tat jiiajiia wont don like de..

Watching tis show..A show jiiajiia don like zhuzhu to watch but teach mi to be a better bf..This show oso show mi tat gals always don speak their heart but their mind means she actually doesn't wan to be like tat..likes to hide wat they wan actually..Now 3.07pm le..missing jiiajiia..wonder wat time jiiajiia finish haiis..3.54pm jiiajiia finally text mi say she gg hm le ^^ gg out to take bus and now 4.06pm on bus 854 le..hope I can catch up with dear..Miss her soo much sia! *muackz* Now 4.54pm, in bus 812..nv see jiiajiia wonder jiiajiia took the bus juz now or have  reach yishun..but jiiajiia take train no need 1 hr to reach yishun ar..hmmmm..jiiajiia 5.02pm text mi say she is hm but I 5.04pm received the message..What wrong with the internet...btw how come jiiajiia don ask wher am I? jiiajiia don care de..haiis..I ended sch so long jiiajiia oso nv ask wher am I..I nv say I go hm or wat..jiiajiia don care de..haiis..5.08pm reached dear house..

jiiajiia open door for mi but she like not very happy..Last time see mi outside house like so happy like tat..haiis..Now I come in her room sit down awhile le..jiiajiia oso nv like come and ask abt mi..like no guan xin like tat..haiis..Is it I think too much? Btw I saw her phone..jiiajiia really gg bali..haiis..Actually I don wan jiiajiia go de..But jiiajiia rarely can go oversea den jiu let her go ba..Juz tat I will worry..bu fang xin ar..haiis....Anyone will understand my feeling? jiiajiia now 1st thing come in take phone den lay down..haiis wont come and talk to mi or hug mi de......*pain* can feel pain sia..haiis..See jiiajiia so tired my heartache..haiis..Maybe jiiajiia tired den will like tat ba..haiis..But jiiajiia nowadays with mi keep use phone..Normally I wont use phone when dear is ard de..cuz pei jiiajiia ar..but now she with mi will play game..haiis..I got so boring ma? I feel like im juz a extra..haiis..No matter how tired I oso come to pei jiiajiia..show my efforts..I 2am slp and I 5am wake up..Slp awhile..I feel tired but my mind and heart say meet jiiajiia jiu no tired le..No tired but feel pain haiis..Nv meet even more worst..Miss jiiajiia ar..haiis...

Now 7.02pm..juz shower hao..wat really happen to us? Now 10.48pm le..Juz now eat jiiajiia make de cake in sch de..very nice! Den we help each other pick our ears ^^ sweet sweet =D no matter how jiiajiia change till zhuzhu will still love you! but pls don leave zhuzhu de side please! zhuzhu noe jiiajiia wont bear to see zhuzhu very pain de..jiiajiia will still care for zhuzhu de =) shall stop here le..

logging off
Johnny♡yiijiia

Labels: Happy, HeartPain, Hope, Jealous, pain, photography, Promise, Sad, Scare, shag, Sian, Sorry, sweet, Wish, Worry

Labels: Blur, Boring, busy, disturb, HeartPain, Hope, Jealous, Loves, Miss, pain, Sad, shag, Shock, Sian, Sorry, tahan, Tired, tkd, Wish, Worry

Hi readers,
back with next post..
Now 1.06am le..jiiajiia haven slp..dear cant slp as ytd evening slept awhile le..haiis..l8r 5.30am need to wake up lea..how? haiis..Thinking to buy camera..I wan to buy 70D need a better cam ar..I spent so much money..haiis..but I wan to buy myself a 21st birthday present ar..I wan to get a husky too..cute ma..dear oso like hehe^^ checking out cam prices..Now 2.03am, I think I choose Canon 70D kit 2 EF 18-135..I think it better plus I don think I will need it till 18-200 ba..ya it a better zooming but zoom too much oso not good and depands wher I stand..stomach pain >.<

Now 2.07am..Feel like having supper =.= but donno why stomach pain...sian..Now 2.17am..l8r gg meet peng and ayu for supper..bringing jiiajiia with mi..l8r jiiajiia cannot find mi..Now 2.37am, reached mac and went to deposit money..den went I walk back to mac, I saw police and paramedics pull a old lady out from mac..can see she got sth wrong de..Now waiting for peng and ayu walk here..Listening to dear sleeping hehe^^ dear don snore de only chew her teeth but currently nv..can hear her breathing sound..So wish tat I can slp beside her now..jiiajiia so tired..l8r need wake up early..haiis..l8r end sch must go hm slp early oh..must guai oh *sayang*

eee now 2.42am den reached..jiiajiia nv eat before..next time bring jiiajiia go eat =) I actually forgot to bring the very hot de korean instant noodles give jiiajiia..stm sia mi..keep forgetting things..haiis..Now 2.53am, heard jiiajiia say wei..I shocked..make awake jiiajiia le..haiis..don mean to de..haiis..jiiajiia tired tired..juz mute my phone den jiiajiia say wei den zhuzhu faster unmute..jiiajiia angry and sad sad cuz I mute jiiajiia..psps..scare wake jiiajiia again ma..haohao zhuzhu don mute..*sayang*

jiiajiia told zhuzhu to finish all the food myself as promise I finished le..damm bao..so long nv eat so bao le..I order the green curry chicken burger meal, drink change to ice lemon tea and fries change to cup corns..but the counter give mi up size drink and fries so I tot he mix up or wat den jiu nvm lo..After I bring to ny table, peng and ayu went to order..After awhile, a stuff came with 2 small cup corn and ask mi.."you order cup corn rite?" den I was abit blur so I took out the recipe and see but nv write any thing ther..the stuff have the same recipe so it mine..den the stuff say they give wrong den they say nvm..so I got fries and cup corn...After awhike ayu came back..she blur so I told her wat happen and I gave her 1 cup corn..After awhile peng came back with food he oso shock..so I told him wat happen too..He brought cup corn too..we think tat they have no more normal size cup corn le..so they gave us 2 happy meal de cup corn..

Very soon we eat finish and 3.47am I went back hm and unlock my bike and lend peng as he nv ride here..l8r in the afternoon we will be gg pasir ris to return our 7-11 shirt and tag..Now 4.09am le..still baobao..fat die mi liao..how am I gg to slim down like tat..accompany jiiajiia now..listening to dear sleeping^^ imagine how dear slp hehe so cute ^^ Juz now at outside no internet de..I tot 4g on phone can use 3g but no internet...sometimes can sometimes cannot..donno how the data things work..4.16am le..cant slp..too full le..sit awhile 1st ba..4.39am le..laying down le..misses my dear =( only can listening to dear slp now..shall continue l8r after I wake up le..need to get some rest le..brb!

Im back! 9am plus wake up by some company asking mi to do survey..I told her no time and after tat jiu hang up le..I den continue to slp..was abit hard to slp le..donno y..still back to slp le..11am plus woke up again and slp back again..Now 1.33pm I wake up le..saw jiiajiia message saying tat afternoon no class *happy* at least jiiajiia can go hm early to rest..Now 1.47pm..my stomach pain..donno y..maybe ytd de mac ba..dear at northpoint buying things..missing my dear =( Went to brush up le..Now 2pm in toilet..stomach pain ar..2.30pm out of toilet..nua in toilet sia..lol..scrolling fb..saw a post tat jiiajiia did before^^ so cute hehe^^miss jiiajiia ='( how I wish dear is here..haiis..below is the picture..

Now 2.56pm le..so sian..3.17pm le..nth to do..dear, zhuzhu wish to give up everything to have u back..I don care I have no friends or wat..with jiiajiia jiu enough le..When we married le oso no time for friends ar..Need work and earn money to support you and our kids ma..so zhuzhu ready le..zhuzhu willing to give up my life for you too oh..*muackz* I love you laopo! 3.30pm, I started to do some workout..doing weights for biceps..Peng and Wei Jie coming over but only can come awhile nia..cuz l8r 7.30pm need go down for my cc de reappointment dinner..Juz now peng and Wei Jie came, we train and spar..My instep zhong cuz kick till peng elbow..pain~ time pass very fast and I almost forgot the time..7.16pm, went to shower and get ready..After shower, I apply ice and put cold spray..Hope wont pain and zhong so long..Soon after I done, I went down to cc..of cuz I abit late but it okay..Went to eat and talk to cc ppl..

Now 8.19pm le..Adviser is giving speech..l8r might gg up stage and take certificate but I receive a notice saying my certicate haven hao..so go up stage no cert..Now 8.30pm, speech finish and now giving certificate..Everything done le..9.30pm..chat here and ther..den Michael say go coffee shop for some coffee den jiu go le..jiiajiia 8.30pm jiu text zhuzhu say gg slp le..but 9pm jiiajiia still haven slp cuz too early le..jiiajiia scare zhuzhu angry..zhuzhu nv angry or blame jiiajiia la..cute lea my laopo hehe^^ zhuzhu understand cuz too early le ma..jiiajiia body don use to tis timing I noe so don worry..explain to zhuzhu jiu okay le ar =) 10.05pm jiiajiia still cant slp..*sayang* slowly lo..close ur eyes and relax ur body..zhuzhu very fast jiu come back pei jiiajiia le ar..10.26pm, finish coffee jiu tell jiiajiia saying I gg hm le..but jiiajiia no reply should have slp le ba ^^ 10.32pm jiu reached hm le..Change clothes and packing things for tml CCA fair..My instep still pain >.< so wish jiiajiia can sayang zhuzhu but jiiajiia nv haiis..I called jiiajiia when packing my things..Called jiiajiia 11 times nv ans until yiying tell dear to ans phone and make till dear angry =( ps..didn't mean to de..I noe jiiajiia will say not angry on mi but is zhuzhu called and yiying wake u up to ans phone..on the 12 time jiiajiia answered..*sayang* jiiajiia tired tired..

After pack hao, I put cold spray cuz still pain ar >.< wonder tml how..zhong lea..haiis..btw I not bringing my padding go CCA fair tml as I scare some ppl hand not clean go cut or do wat to my padding..All kinds of ppl oso have de..so scare ar..Going take some photos tml..Now 11.25pm le..listening to jiiajiia slp hehe^^ cute dear =) jiiajiia tml gg wake up by 7am and so do I..Going slp early..I late oso nvm de lo..I bringing my 1st aid kit ther too..Juz now sparring I use peng gloves awhile..wa smelly sia..even after I shower still got the smell..*faint* Shall stop here le..need go rest le..Now 11.29pm le..don slp early l8r jiiajiia angry..good night ppl..
logging off
Johnny hearts yiijiia

Labels: Angry, Blur, Boring, cute, disturb, Happy, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, Sad, shag, Sian, Tired, train, Wish, Worry

Happy 3 Years 2 Months(38months) Anniversary dear!!
I noe I very fan..keep crying..I no use..haiis...Now 12.06am le..shall go slp le..jiiajiia very tired and shag le..shall continue when im wake up ba..good night!

2am plus den slp ba..ytd nite my tears like free flow..keep on crying..make till jiiajiia so fan..nv let jiiajiia slp nice nice..haiis..but I wan jiiajiia ar..haiis..3pm like tat den we get up to go brush up..and eat our late lunch..Now 4.24pm le..jiiajiia still cold cold de..haiis..wat should I do? Why it is so hard? I gg turn crazy..jiiajiia ar..zhuzhu love you so much pls come back to mi ='( I saw some photos dear took with other boys and I started to get jealous..haiis..Abit jiu jealous, zhuzhu jiu scare dear go with other guys ar..jiu will scare ar..haiis..ps ma..5.18pm, Now laying on dear bed with dear slacking..Now dear watching show on phone..

Now 5.32, jiiajiia stomachache went to toilet..zhuzhu make till jiiajiia angry..haiis..zhuzhu jiu...haiis..Feel so sad now..We slept awhile and woke up at 7.30pm..After tat we went to eat dinner..jiiajiia eat abit only lo..dear say she stomachache..*sayang* When eating mama say dear afternoon eat abit only..bread and potato..I angry! jiiajiia ar..pls take care of ur body pls..pls eat more..I don mind u wan to slim down but at least u need to eat proper meal ma..plus no more slimming products gg into ur body..apply on body oso cannot! zhuzhu care for u ma..don wan u to make spoilt ur body and stomach..Donno y now jiiajiia keep stomachache..haiis..*sayang*

9.15pm, I started to get ready to change clothes cuz need to go hm le..haiis..didn't wan to go back..I wan pei jiiajiia forever! haiis..Before i go off from jiiajiia room, i weight myself and my weight is 77.7kg..My weight DROP! finally i see 7digi le..I oso realise the number is 777..it is the jesus code! wonder wat jesus gg to tell mi? After tat jiiajiia send mi to bus stop and bus came after awhile..hug and kiss jiiajiia den jiu go up le..Called jiiajiia when I on the bus toward yishun inter..9.40pm, reached yishun inter le..Already miss jiiajiia le..='( haiis..9.53pm le..bus 854 come le..I went up the back sit on the left side near the windows..missing jiiajiia..9.56pm, how I wish I got a car now..go anywhere oso not a prob..need to stop here 1st..if not I car sick le..brb..10.55pm le..reached bedok inter le..alot ppl sia..on bus juz now keep talking abt bank acc things with jiiajiia..10.57pm, bus come le..went up the bus..11.09pm reached bus stop and saw papa, mama at coffee shop..sit down with them and bought a drink..suddenly jiiajiia told mi 11.11pm..so I make a wish le..

11.19pm, I ask jiiajiia should i go buy mac de green curry chicken burger? jiiajiia say buy lo..den i say of cuz jiiajiia wan zhuzhu go buy lo cuz jiiajiia wan mi to get fatter..jiiajiia ar..cute lea you^^ jiiajiia de weight now is 58 or 59kg currently..Juz now on bus, i told jiiajiia wait zhuzhu de weight reach 60kg den slim down tgt..hahas..jiiajiia don wan of cuz..but my weight wan to drop to 60kg abit hard ar..77.7kg lea..I noe got drop but not tat easy to drop till 60kg ar..Now 11.22pm, jiiajiia say feel like eating curry but stomachache ask zhuzhu how? den zhuzhu say eat bread den dip abit on curry lo..don dip too much..ops forgot tell jiiajiia don drink cold drink l8r more pain..haiis..jiiajiia donno how to take care herself de..haiis *worry* nvm zhuzhu will be here remind jiiajiia and take care jiiajiia de..will be jiiajiia de guardian de..

11.37pm le..papa ask mama and mi go back 1st..So we back hm..Now 11.51pm le..gg bong bong..12.30pm bong hao..I stomachache oso ar..shall stop here and continue with next blog post..

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Johnny hearts yiijiia

Labels: crazy, cried, cry, cute, Happy, HeartPain, Jealous, pain, Sad, Scare, shag, Sian, Sorry, Worry

Labels: cried, cry, despression, die, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, Sad, shag, Sian, Stress, suicide, Wish, Worry

Labels: despression, improve, Miss, pain, Sad, selfish, suicide, taekwondo, tahan, tkd, train

Hi readers,
I got a boring blog..I noe..but it a only place I can express my feeling out..so I gg to write..

I fall down at hm when I preparing..I knee till 1 of my kitchen wooden door wher things are kept..I cut myself..ouch..idk y my blog app doesn't let mi put photo..nvm..lets continue..

so I went out and took train den 969 to yishun..I reached quite early..4.00pm jiu reached le..jiiajiia haven hm yet..I actually went up and see to confirm is she hm..after tat I went down to the 1st floor and sit down on the staircase..

After awhile I saw yiying came back and he saw mi of cuz..he ask mi wanna go up and I said it ok I wait here for her..he say u 2 gg out l8r? I say nope..but I so wish to..

I rmb tat dear wan to eat a food called apon..but dear house here de coffee shop nv sell..went ther ask le..nvm..next time if got chance will bring her go eat..

sky getting darker and finally jiiajiia text mi say gg hm le..4.30pm..waiting for her..thinking how to talk to her..haiis..

After awhile her dad came back and saw mi too..he ask mi go up..but I reject again..he saw my knee got cut and ask wat happen..so I told him tat I fell down lo..

The really getting darker and darker le..gg rain le..wonder dear got bring umbrella anot haiis..*worry*

Now is 5.15pm le..dear haven hm..my the thunderstorms getting louder and louder..the wind getting stronger and stronger..hope dear faster gp hm..juz I finish typing..the rain started.....hope she got umbrella and wont get drain in the rain..l8r sick how? haiis..

Dear always donno how to take care of herself de..hope dear is okay..*so worry* Now 5.28pm le..rain getting bigger and storms getting louder haiis..so hope dear wont kanna too much rain..*sooo damm worry*

Finally dear reached lift le..she was abit shock..I was abt to talk to her my tears started to drop again..my heart cannot take it..I keep crying when talking to her..

When dear give mi cake eat..I didn't feel like eating but I hardly can eat wat she bake or cook le..so I ate it..ya I didn't eat anything from morning till now..when eating the cake halfway I cried again..haiis..

After awhile her mum came le..oso ask the same things..asking mi tat I not gg up? rejected again..dear did ask mi to go up but I don feel like gg up..go up le jiu don wan go off le..haiis

After I walked off from her, my mind is like blank..walk wher oso donno..after tat desr shout at mi as Im gg walk in the rain..so I see her go up den I walk other side..

I keep on crying..y my tears cant control? I called tony and he noe sth not rite and ask mi out..After tat I still keep crying..I called patricia..she noe I cry..I started to talk to her as I need some1 to talk to..we talk abt 30 to 40mins..

I now otw to raffles as tony and andy jio mi ther..now is 6.58pm le..in train reached Dhoby Ghaut..I keep on to have to feeling to crying..trying to control..haiis..

Dear got text mi..7pm..she remind mi to eat dinner but idk how to reply her..not I don wan..I scare I will bust out in tears again..haiis..

7.05pm I meet tony and andy at raffles le..dear say still can be friends..but I don wan..haiis..We went to the merlion place and took some photos..After tat we walk to Marina Square and I ate subway..

After eating subway, we went to arcade to play some games..we played maximum tune den went over to play King Of Fighter..now this part make mi go crazy..make my heart and mind go siao..

I played halfway, I put my watch, which is my dad brought for mi as a birthday gift, on the machine tgt with my wallet and phone..When we walk off.....I only take my wallet and phone..but I nv take my watch..wth?! cannot be rite? is juz rite in front of mi..

After we walk off abt 1 to 2 mins, I den realise my watch and I turn ard, it gone.....wtf?! ther is not much ppl ard...and u can count with ur fingers..Tony help mi to call police and I called my mum..idk wat to do liao..I wish all tis was juz a dream.....After 30mins, police arrived and investigate awhile..Ther only have 2 cam..and wher I sit is a blind spot...WTF rite?! wat a big place only 2 cam?! u must be joking...

I went hm after tat..I think back alot of things..I rmb when I wake up..ther is sth or some sort of voices tell mi not to go out today..but I still get up and prepare..After tat when I gg to go out, I fell down..rmb wat I wrote earlier on? ya..tat when I fell..I think tat a hint....telling mi not to go out..

After talk to dear..I already very shag..Actually ther sth in my heart tell mi to go up with dear..but I didn't..den I got feel tell mi to go hm..but I don have the feel to go hm..

Is like all this chain up...If I noe earlier on I wont be like tat...but how I noe..Wat if, wat if, wat if..if I really noe wat if..I already rich and I wont be in this state now..I feel so shag..

dear I need u..really need u..when will u come back? haiis..What a tiring and shag day for mi..mama even say I kanna "ghost cover eyes"(chinese) sian....mama say jiu take it as "po cai xiao zhai"(chinese)

but this so ex..she oso say "ren mei shi jiu hao"(chinese) but I don dare to tell her tat I don wan to live le..I think she will be very sad..She oso didn't noe tat I already partly in the despression mode..cuz I everyday wake up will think how to end my life..

I only can do is to hurt myself in order not to think abt ending my life..everyday thinking of how to die.......I gg crazy....haiis..dear I miss you...

I shall end here..
logging off
Johnny

Labels: crazy, cried, cry, despression, die, end, HeartPain, Hope, kill, loss, lost, Loves, Miss, pain, shag, Sian, Wish, Worry

❤ Johnny Tan
❤ 04.11.1993 (21)
❤ single/attached to T.Y.J ❤
❤ Anniversary:1302112130 ❤
❤ currently studing in Temasek Polytechnic
❤ Christian
❤ Horoscope:Scorpio
❤ Zodiac:Rooster
❤ Martial Arts
❤ Taekwondo
❤ Photography
❤ First Aider


NIL

❤jiiajiia tumblr ❤
❤jiiajiia blog ❤
Alicia Mei
Wee Yin Mei
Si Hui Mei
Class412(2009)
Chu Han
Bethesda Cathedral Church
XueQi
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNinteen
ChapterTwenty

My Memories March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 December 2011 May 2012 August 2012 September 2012 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014