.Friday, June 6, 2014 ' 4:25 PM Y
Hi readers,
Today im writing to express my feeling out again..I noe u guys will be like..wat?! again?! okay..This is the only place to express out as my dear don like to see mi share my thoughts or keep telling ppl my prob..especially to girls but i have more girl friends (female friends) den guy friends..jiiajiia will get jealous and think tat y i cant share with her or y wat i tell ppl de oso same as wat i tell her too..This will make her like less special too..Im not saying my dear not special, SHE IS SPECIAL in my heart. I wan to make her feel tat she is special.
Okay back to topic..This few days i feel very weird..feeling like im useless, dear like ignore mi(although she didn't), cant fall asleep, feeling very stress, sad and many more..So i think about wat actually happening to mi..I den notice tat my depression came back to mi..Although it is not tat serious den last time but it will affect mi a lot..Not only on my sch works, cc works but my relationship too..I wanna thanks my dear tat she been holding on and accompany mi through out this..I really need her with mi..without her, i wonder how my depression will going to more worst.. At first, i tot i was actually mood swings but things nv get better..I went on to the website to check for depression symptoms and i am correct....I am in depression...Below is one of the website..
- Sadness and or irritability
- Loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities
- Loss of appetite—or increase in appetite
- Sleep disturbances—either insomnia or excessive sleeping
- Agitation or slowing in behavior
- Fatigue
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
- Problems with thinking or concentration
- Persistent thoughts of death or suicide
Below is another....
- Feeling sad or "empty"
- Feeling hopeless, irritable, anxious, or guilty
- Loss of interest in favorite activities
- Feeling very tired
- Not being able to concentrate or remember details
- Not being able to sleep, or sleeping too much
- Overeating, or not wanting to eat at all
- Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
- Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems.
Women experience depression more often than men. Biological, life cycle, and hormonal factors that are unique to women may be linked to women's higher depression rate. Women with depression typically have symptoms of sadness, worthlessness, and guilt.
Men with depression are more likely to be very tired, irritable, and sometimes even angry. They may lose interest in work or activities they once enjoyed, and have sleep problems.
Older adults with depression may have less obvious symptoms, or they may be less likely to admit to feelings of sadness or grief. They also are more likely to have medical conditions like heart disease or stroke, which may cause or contribute to depression. Certain medications also can have side effects that contribute to depression.
Children with depression may pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school, cling to a parent, or worry that a parent may die. Older children or teens may get into trouble at school and be irritable. Because these signs can also be part of normal mood swings associated with certain childhood stages, it may be difficult to accurately diagnose a young person with depression.
How can I help a loved one who is depressed?
If you know someone who has depression, first help him or her see a doctor or mental health professional.
- Offer support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
- Talk to him or her, and listen carefully.
- Never ignore comments about suicide, and report them to your loved one's therapist or doctor.
- Invite him or her out for walks, outings, and other activities.
- Remind him or her that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.
jiiajiiia did almost all this..thanks dear..without her, i wont noe how am i going to go through this..I actually better now..listening to music and do some small stuff to cool and relax myself...They said children would worry parents may die but im worry my dear would leave mi..Seeing mi like tat i scare i would scare her off..haiis...I den stress myself more..I stress my exams, cc stuff and tat y my depression back ba..Too many things i need to stress..I have been stressing myself for quite a long time, not only for awhile..so don say i cant handle stress..The stress i taking ppl cant really see it but it is quite strong..cc stuff not only doing community work but i oso help adviser too..This is more stress part..
Taking out time for dear have abit as i need to push away ppl..I not scare of pushing ppl away for my dear..Cuz i oso need to rest ar..Need to accompany my dear ar..She is more important..I oso not scare telling ppl tat fri(maybe), Sat and Sun is her time..Need mi and u need to go through my dear 1st..Tat wat i told the cc director but tis sun i going help her..Not every time i will accept cuz i see her oso really need mi..Plus i can pei jiiajiia on fri and sat..Sun jiiajiia can come over but jiiajiia tired tired...
Patricia sent mi this photo ytd and i find it quite true.."Everyone needs someone who can handle their dark side." jiiajiia is the one tat really can handle my dark side...Without her i think i will always outside finding trouble..fighting...all this...Thanks dear for all this support..I Love You!
Labels: despression, HeartPain, Loves, pain, realise, Scare, Sian, Sick, Stress, Thanks, Tired, Worry
ii loves my dear jiiajiia. <3
.Tuesday, May 27, 2014 ' 11:30 PM Y
Hi readers,
Today sch start late so wake up late oso hahas..Today writing tis blog is to express my feeling..So wat happened is tat..I feel tat jiiajiia don really telling mi wat she doing..Maybe I always tell her and I hope she will do the same thing back ba..She complain when tat time I in pub den I message her slow..I noe she worried..Worried tat gals come towards mi..
I did sent her message but it hard for mi to keep track of time but still I try to keep message her after a few minutes..But today, she after sent mi say eat baobao le..on 11.41am den I woke up and text her a few den she replied on 12.13pm..Okay she said she busy as she carrying stuff..but when she go to sch..she don even tell mi tat she is on bus, train all tis..Usually she does..okay not usually..is last time..even very before we broke up..way before..ya I say way before..
so y didn't I said last time? Cuz last time I don care..Cuz I wont really think of her but only myself..But now y am I stressing myself so much? Should I change back to last time? So I have lesser stress? Maybe I think too much? Or should I do the same thing like wat she is doing? Okay she today indirectly said she is on train but wat abt bus? 8.07am, she reached sch as tat time she told mi..10.28am den told mi tat she going in for test le..From 8 to 10.30 how long is tat? 2 & 1/2 hrs and wat the fk is she doing in the 2 & 1/2 hrs? She didn't even text mi?! This is not the 1st time le..
Okay maybe I need to control my emotional now..Cooling down 1st..Okay on the same time..10.28am she sent test hao le..wat is going on? go in and come out? after tat 10.29am she say die liao..I oso noe will die..go in and come out..nv do anything..Okay maybe u can tell mi it the phone reception prob so nv sent out on time..On 10.29am she said die liao lo till 11.22am she said she gg eat..wat she doing?
Maybe I expect too much from her? I stressing her too much? Maybe I over care? Or tis is not even care? Den I bo cha liao..Not going to ask so much..Nv say den suan liao lo..since ppl don wan say..Maybe she feel I busybody..I oso don wan tell her I at wher liao all tis..L8r she find I like bo liao..even at hm oso nv tell mi wat she doing..Den I oso don wan say..I nv tell her wher am I den she will ask..It the same thing..Wat do you feel? Of I don tell u wher or wat am I doing..Den I oso found out something..When she nth to do at hm, she message mi more den she in sch..like a few minutes 1 message..Even when she slp den i do sth or i go wher will tell her as i scare her worry..maybe next time no need ba..I juz wan more details.....suan le..I expect too much le..Need to reduce ba..
I oso found out tat she don post our photo on instagram..Normally she does but now only im doing it..Maybe she finds tat she tgt with mi will throw her face ba......suan le...y am i fking stress now...haiis...Lucky i have u blog..at least i can express all my feeling out here..so glad tat i still have a blog...Shall stop here le..
logging off
Johnny
Labels: Angry, busy, pain, realise, Sad, shag, Sian, Tired
ii loves my dear jiiajiia. <3
.Saturday, May 10, 2014 ' 11:30 PM Y
Hi readers,
I today woke up early as jiiajiia need to go for wedding lunch..lol..normally is dinner..So went to get prepared and go out..jiiajiia went to take mrt and I went to take bus 854..I 11.30am reached andy house..Woke him up when im in the bus by calling him..After having lunch at him house, we went back to my house as I need to take my camera and take a shower..jiiajiia wedding lunch end quite early so I asked jiiajiia whether she wan to come along anot..jiiajiia agreed and went to take train..2.30pm reached inter and ard 3pm I called jiiajiia and jiiajiia already reached bay front le..So we faster get ther and we took some photos..
After tat, we waited for izuan when we reached marina square as we want to have our dinner..Izuan went for wedding lunch too..After dinner, we started to walk to garden by the bay..We took quite alot of photos along the way..Very fast sky turn dark le..getting late le..Before we reach barrage, izuan need to go back hm le..So we say bye to him and we continue walk..jiiajiia getting very tired le..I oso actually but I need to be strong ar..Very fast reached barrage le..den I because of jiiajiia slippers and I quarrel with her..I bare foot and pass her my slippers but jiiajiia don wan..I insisted but jiiajiia don wan..I started to get angry and say I don care her le, I den walk off and go take my photos..Im juz being care.....her foot pain and turn red..I see le heart pain ah..den my slippers bigger so wont be so pain but jiu don wan...haiis....After awhile we okay le..den we continue take photos..We even took those like wedding couples shots..help peng and ayu..ayu help mi and jiiajiia..lol..
Cuz we keep taking photos..den we like neglect andy sia..Feel so bad..After awhile, it time for us to go back hm le..Late le..Was planned to go back my hm but so late le..so we took cab to yishun and I stay over..peng they all took another cab..Reached hm shower den went to mac den came back hm jiu already 3am plus le..Soon we went to slp le..Shall end here le..
logging off
Johnny♡yiijiia
Labels: camera, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, photography, realise, Sad, shag, Sian, Sorry, sweet, Tired
ii loves my dear jiiajiia. <3
.Wednesday, April 9, 2014 ' 8:30 AM Y
Hi blog!
so long nv write le..
I have no wher to express my feeling only except here..my dear..not any more who I treating mi so cold and mean..I nv felt so pain be4..
Now I den saw her blog..she suffer so much with mi and I didn't noe tat..I am so bad to her..I make her so pain..She endure all my shit and I treat her like tat...I didn't even noe..All she wan is my care and love..I noe I nv love her enough last time..After sally tis incident den I realise I love her so much..zhuzhu kanna physiol.
zhuzhu too easy kanna physiol haiis..I keep hurting her from last time..sorry dear..I noe sorry doesn't cure ur pain..but I need to thank you so much for loving mi and endure so much from mi..im a shit bf tat donno how to treasure u..now I noe y u wanted to leave mi..u cannot endure my attitude le..
Now I only can see u far away..be ur guardian from far..look after u..watch u happy..I will hide my feeling and hidden my love..I will love you without u knowing..I guess u will be more happy without mi ba..at least ther is no more ppl hurt u like tat..but y didn't u talk to mi abt all those in the blog u written..im a shit I noe..u did so much and I didn't even noe..u r a great gf really!
I now den realise tat is not u chnage..it MI! I have change and I didn't even noe..I willing to chnage back..really hope u can give mi 1 last chance to be a good bf..I will change back like the 1st time u met mi..some1 who wont let u suffer so much..I noe i like tat very selfish but how to not selfish..haiis..but I noe u don wan to suffer with mi..I took you for granted and i feel tat wat u did for mi is of cuz de cuz im ur bf but I nv tot of ur feeling..I was wrong so long ago..haiis..I didn't mean it..haiis..
I love you so much! I will be ther whenever u need mi..I noe u not reading tis but i wan to let u noe tat i will be waiting for u! Tis time forever really forever, i will be waiting for you to come back..im keen to see u back! I will be ur hidden guardian..dear, u will always be my be princess! *muackz*
logging off
Johnny~
Labels: chance, change, Loves, pain, realise, Regret, Sad
ii loves my dear jiiajiia. <3
