.Friday, April 11, 2014 ' 11:58 PM Y
Hi readers,
This morning 5.30am I wake up by my alarm as I need to wake jiiajiia up for sch..After tat I get up to drink water..mouth so dry...After tat I went back to bed and I lie till 6.15am I feel tat jiiajiia haven wake up so I called her again if not she will be late..So ya she really went back to slp..jiiajiia tired tired..*sayang*
I lie on the bed and cant slp idk y..den I go down to the floor and slp..slowly I slept le..den I went to my uncle bed and slp..soon after I wake up I went back to my bed..den I see the time on my phone..I was like wa...3.30pm?! I slp so long? So I get up and wash up myself..Now 3.54pm le donno wat to do..
Now 4.37pm le..from juz now listening to song and missing jiiajiia..I really miss her soo much..haiis..i keep have the mindset of suicidal thoughts..haiis..my hearts so pain..keep looking at ours photos..i cant live without jiiajiia ='( i miss you soo much..haiis..Now 4.57pm le..im so restless..my mind and heart r so messy..i wan my dear...haiis..Now 5pm le..gg do some weights..I so wish jiiajiia nv go CCA and come over and find mi..haiis..
Now 5.41pm le..jiiajiia text zhuzhu say gg hm le..i miss jiiajiia so much..haiis..Called jiiajiia, cold cold de ='( haiis..想念是會呼吸的痛....Talk to jiiajiia..jiiajiia keep saying be friends..I tried le not i nv try..but i cant...jiiajiia say she don wan to step into relationship now le..I tears started to flow again..My heart so pain....Started to anyhow wrack my punching bag..After i stopped, I saw my skin stick ther..After awhile den i felt the pain on my finger but how to compare to my heart..haiis..I don feel like living in tis world seriously..I wan to leave tis place...I really love you..
Now 6.38pm le..Although my tears have stopped but my heart still crying..I noe dear heart is more pain den mine..dear, I will wait for you..but i scare when the day u wan to come back and find mi, I wont be ard le..haiis..But no matter where i go, i will be ur guardian..watching you from far away..7pm, I went down to CC to help out Jason on tis coming EP day..Help halfway, mama called and ask mi wanna go inter for dinner so Jason let mi go off..So i met my mum and dad at CC and walk to bus stop..When the bus arrived, we saw my uncle juz get off the bus so my dad ask him to come along..
When reached inter, we went straight to hawker centre for our dinner..I ate mutton soup rice and drink 1 cup of surgar cane..After dinner, we went to bedok mall for a walk plus find my brother and aunt as my aunt bring my brother to shop for shoes..After meeting them, we walk ard and my aunt and brother went for their dinner at pepper lunch..So mi, my mum, dad and my uncle went to Best to walk..After awhile, my dad and mum decided to buy a machine to cut vegetable..and we brought printer ink..so damm ex sia the printer ink..After buying, we started to walk back to inter as nth much to walk..We took bus hm.. Otw hm, dear text mi tat she gg to slp le as she need to wake up early to go for an event at garden by the bay..Tml sat lea..still need to go and help out..tired tired..5.30am jiu need to wake up le..haiis..
I reached hm at 9.27pm and i called her straight..if not too late call her i scare she nv slp enough..*sayang* my dear so tired..Now 10.03pm le..i gg to take a shower..Now 10.40pm i done shower..ya i really take my own sweet time shower because of in the shower i can really cool down myself..Pain sia when shower..cuz my skin drop of due to abrasion..Keep listening to songs and emoing..haiis..I went to Google and i found out tat i really partly into depression...Below is the symptoms with this website
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/241862.php
Below are some signs and symptoms associated with depression:
Psychological signs and symptoms:
- Persistent sadness or low mood-----------------------------------------Got
- Thoughts and feelings of worthlessness-------------------------------Got
- Feelings of self hatred-----------------------------------------------------Got
- A feeling of hopelessness-------------------------------------------------Got
- A feeling of helplessness--------------------------------------------------Got
- Feeling like crying-----------------------------------------------------------Got(not only feel i really cry)
- A feeling of guilt--------------------------------------------------------------Got
- Irritability - even trivial things become annoying-----------------------Nope
- Angry outbursts--------------------------------------------------------------Got(sometimes)
- Intolerance towards others-------------------------------------------------Nope
- Persistent doubting - finding it very hard to decide on things-------Got
- Finding it impossible to enjoy life-----------------------------------------Got
- Thoughts of self harm------------------------------------------------------Got(did it somemore)
- Thoughts of suicide---------------------------------------------------------Got
- Persistent worry--------------------------------------------------------------Got
- Persistent anxiety-------------------------------------------Nope(only keep feeling restless and uneasy)
- Body movements may be slower than they used to be-------------------------Nope
- Problems with focusing, the person's concentration span may be reduced----Got(I lost my watch!!)
- Speech may be slower than it used to be-----------------------------------------Nope
- Eating patterns change, appetite changes - typically, the patient eats less and loses weight. However, some people may eat more and gain weight.---------------Got(i eating lesser and lesser)
- Low sex drive--------------------------------------------------Nope
- Lack of energy, fatigue, tiredness - even small and easy chores feel like unpleasant ordeals---Nope
- The woman's menstrual cycle may change-----------Nope(im a guy...)
- Restlessness - the patient may pace up and down more, wring his/her hands, and find it hard to keep still------------------------------Got(That was wat i juz said above...)
- Unexplained aches and pains, such as headache, backache or digestive problems------Got(stomach pain)
- Sleeping disturbances - the individual may find it hard to get to sleep, or wakes up during the night and cannot get back to sleep. Studies have shown that over 80% of people with depression suffer from some kind of insomnia. Hypesomnia (oversleeping) is also possible. Some medications used for treating depression may cause insomnia.----------------------------------------------Got(keep waking up in the nite and slp too much sometimes..i wake up 3.30pm today...)
Social signs and symptoms may include:
- Underperforming at work------------Nope(not working)
- Not doing well at school--------------Nope(haven start sch)
- Avoiding keeping in touch with friends----Got(juz tat don feel like meeting)
- Abandoning interests and hobbies-------Nope
- Having family/home problems-------------Nope
I hit so much of the symptoms..haiis...I went to see other website oso the same...
Are you depressed?
If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
- you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
- you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
- you feel hopeless and helpless
- you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
- you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
- you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
- you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
- you have thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case)
I hit mostly all of them...haiis...dear...I miss you...haiis...Now 12am le..nv feel like sleeping haiis..
Now 1.26am le..gg slp le nite~
Shall stop here le..
Logging off
Johnny hearts yiijiia
Labels: cried, cry, despression, die, HeartPain, Hope, Loves, Miss, pain, Sad, shag, Sian, Stress, suicide, Wish, Worry
ii loves my dear jiiajiia. <3
