Hi readers,
I got a boring blog..I noe..but it a only place I can express my feeling out..so I gg to write..
I fall down at hm when I preparing..I knee till 1 of my kitchen wooden door wher things are kept..I cut myself..ouch..idk y my blog app doesn't let mi put photo..nvm..lets continue..
so I went out and took train den 969 to yishun..I reached quite early..4.00pm jiu reached le..jiiajiia haven hm yet..I actually went up and see to confirm is she hm..after tat I went down to the 1st floor and sit down on the staircase..
After awhile I saw yiying came back and he saw mi of cuz..he ask mi wanna go up and I said it ok I wait here for her..he say u 2 gg out l8r? I say nope..but I so wish to..
I rmb tat dear wan to eat a food called apon..but dear house here de coffee shop nv sell..went ther ask le..nvm..next time if got chance will bring her go eat..
sky getting darker and finally jiiajiia text mi say gg hm le..4.30pm..waiting for her..thinking how to talk to her..haiis..
After awhile her dad came back and saw mi too..he ask mi go up..but I reject again..he saw my knee got cut and ask wat happen..so I told him tat I fell down lo..
The really getting darker and darker le..gg rain le..wonder dear got bring umbrella anot haiis..*worry*
Now is 5.15pm le..dear haven hm..my the thunderstorms getting louder and louder..the wind getting stronger and stronger..hope dear faster gp hm..juz I finish typing..the rain started.....hope she got umbrella and wont get drain in the rain..l8r sick how? haiis..
Dear always donno how to take care of herself de..hope dear is okay..*so worry* Now 5.28pm le..rain getting bigger and storms getting louder haiis..so hope dear wont kanna too much rain..*sooo damm worry*
Finally dear reached lift le..she was abit shock..I was abt to talk to her my tears started to drop again..my heart cannot take it..I keep crying when talking to her..
When dear give mi cake eat..I didn't feel like eating but I hardly can eat wat she bake or cook le..so I ate it..ya I didn't eat anything from morning till now..when eating the cake halfway I cried again..haiis..
After awhile her mum came le..oso ask the same things..asking mi tat I not gg up? rejected again..dear did ask mi to go up but I don feel like gg up..go up le jiu don wan go off le..haiis
After I walked off from her, my mind is like blank..walk wher oso donno..after tat desr shout at mi as Im gg walk in the rain..so I see her go up den I walk other side..
I keep on crying..y my tears cant control? I called tony and he noe sth not rite and ask mi out..After tat I still keep crying..I called patricia..she noe I cry..I started to talk to her as I need some1 to talk to..we talk abt 30 to 40mins..
I now otw to raffles as tony and andy jio mi ther..now is 6.58pm le..in train reached Dhoby Ghaut..I keep on to have to feeling to crying..trying to control..haiis..
Dear got text mi..7pm..she remind mi to eat dinner but idk how to reply her..not I don wan..I scare I will bust out in tears again..haiis..
7.05pm I meet tony and andy at raffles le..dear say still can be friends..but I don wan..haiis..We went to the merlion place and took some photos..After tat we walk to Marina Square and I ate subway..
After eating subway, we went to arcade to play some games..we played maximum tune den went over to play King Of Fighter..now this part make mi go crazy..make my heart and mind go siao..
I played halfway, I put my watch, which is my dad brought for mi as a birthday gift, on the machine tgt with my wallet and phone..When we walk off.....I only take my wallet and phone..but I nv take my watch..wth?! cannot be rite? is juz rite in front of mi..
After we walk off abt 1 to 2 mins, I den realise my watch and I turn ard, it gone.....wtf?! ther is not much ppl ard...and u can count with ur fingers..Tony help mi to call police and I called my mum..idk wat to do liao..I wish all tis was juz a dream.....After 30mins, police arrived and investigate awhile..Ther only have 2 cam..and wher I sit is a blind spot...WTF rite?! wat a big place only 2 cam?! u must be joking...
I went hm after tat..I think back alot of things..I rmb when I wake up..ther is sth or some sort of voices tell mi not to go out today..but I still get up and prepare..After tat when I gg to go out, I fell down..rmb wat I wrote earlier on? ya..tat when I fell..I think tat a hint....telling mi not to go out..
After talk to dear..I already very shag..Actually ther sth in my heart tell mi to go up with dear..but I didn't..den I got feel tell mi to go hm..but I don have the feel to go hm..
Is like all this chain up...If I noe earlier on I wont be like tat...but how I noe..Wat if, wat if, wat if..if I really noe wat if..I already rich and I wont be in this state now..I feel so shag..
dear I need u..really need u..when will u come back? haiis..What a tiring and shag day for mi..mama even say I kanna "ghost cover eyes"(chinese) sian....mama say jiu take it as "po cai xiao zhai"(chinese)
but this so ex..she oso say "ren mei shi jiu hao"(chinese) but I don dare to tell her tat I don wan to live le..I think she will be very sad..She oso didn't noe tat I already partly in the despression mode..cuz I everyday wake up will think how to end my life..
I only can do is to hurt myself in order not to think abt ending my life..everyday thinking of how to die.......I gg crazy....haiis..dear I miss you...
I shall end here..
logging off
Johnny
Labels: crazy, cried, cry, despression, die, end, HeartPain, Hope, kill, loss, lost, Loves, Miss, pain, shag, Sian, Wish, Worry
